Københavns (Yay-Yay-Yay-Yay)

Hedge

The days were just packed. Early mornings, loose itinerary driving lots of sidebar adventures. First holiday, photogenic city trip without an SLR. First trip without my brown Samsonite in about 20 years. (Ryanair rules). While not as nightmarish as envisioned.... fuck Ryanair. Best croissant, best pizza and best coffee ever, all had on this trip. Six full days of full on SUN! We got so lucky. It was pride week in CPH. 

Cyclist, Pastry, Coffee, Joe & the Juice - about sums it up

Burned on the surprise 1% "fee" on Revolut foreign currency transactions. Downstairs corporate conference bathroom on a lighting timer. The hotel room power cut when card not present extended to the sockets aswell which meant we couldn't charge any devices when out for the day. Uber out, walk back from evening dinner - no matter how far out it was. 20k+ Step days. Fat Bastard wine. Big Fat Oaky wine. 

Heatmap at DAC

 "Wine is always now" The flat canal boats rammed with tourists: tourist scoops.  The middle aged shop assistant at Rema 1000 signing off with "have a nice time" instead of have a nice day. Never got to room 606. 

 The DAC sticker on my wooden hotel room key became the iconic snapshot of the trip. Poulson lamps on every table in the hotel restaurant (Japanese Peruvian fusion holy shit). Prinks, crisps and playlists. Too much focus on food. I'd referenced that I love how booking a restaurant brings us to or through otherwise out of reach neighbourhoods e.g. Toxteth in Liverpool. 

Spiderman buses and promo material everywhere. Way too many elevator selfies. Fuck nudes, send me your playlist. Egg chairs everywhere, slightly impractical if not uncomfortable in a small room.  

Day1: Early as usual, this time to avoid rush hour M50 traffic delaying us unpredictably, pulled in on the old airport road in a heatwave, reversed into a spot between 2 taxi drivers frantically valeting their vehicles, to watch planes come in and planes go out. Red-Y10 was our berthing spot. 

Malmo

The usual 4km walk to the farthest flung, likely cheapest gates in the entire airport. Ryanair sells itself as a low cost airline. It's 14 billion revenue and multi billion profits belie that statement. The very basic flight is likely cheaper, but everything is an add-on and you're poked to upgrade at every possible opportunity during the booking process and then in perpetuity on their dogshit app.

Glacier's Fox Mint Warmer

The gates are far flung, the departure and landing times are called "on time" even if you spend 30mins either side sitting on the runway or 40 mins waiting for bags to arrive at the carousel or you're q'ing in the rain on a runway waiting for the just landed flight to disembark. It's a very efficient airline as measured by company-benefiting metrics. Not so much for passenger facing metrics. 

Loud family in our environment on the plane. Another passenger complained at there being 2 unaccompanied kids beside her, fighting. That there needed to be a parent with them. "Why are you ruining my life?" is how the dad addressed it with the kid. S says "bro!" in the line to enter the airport building, cue whiplash lookback from another passenger. 

Cash being pulled out of bras - "nanny gave me this for my holidays.." First stroll around the city at midnight and we see an Olde English Pub adjacent to an Ould Irish Pub, then a Scottish pub. As much as we've fetishised the Scandinavian culture, the same happens in reverse apparently. A 7-Eleven is spotted and of course we have to go in to support the hotdogs on endless rotation.
 

Our First Danish Pastries

Day2: Breakfast at Juno the Bakery - first in the Q for a 0730 opening. Impressive after a late night arrival the night before. Very good cardamom buns. Incredible, amazing croissants. Fucka me. If I'd known I'd have had 2. We also didn't order coffee as I thought they didn't serve coffee. Turns out they did so another missed opportunity for our first Danish pastry. 

Backstage at Juno the Bakery

We went around the corner to Prolog coffee and had a very delicious al fresco cortado, hot chocolate, iced latte or whatever you're having yourself. 

Walking through the city we discover that bikes of all shapes and velocities carrying cyclists of all shapes and ferocities can come at you from any angle at any time. it's an exercise in self preservation to not ignore the green man, ever at any intersection. 

 

 

I know Beijing and Amsterdam are the famed cycling cities, but Copenhagen is in the ascendant where there's a constant flow of cycling lifeblood through the city's arteries. In general it moves efficiently well all the time but we witnessed the odd cycling traffic jam. 

 

The firefly exodus of cyclists out of city park site of the Syd for Solen festival after midnight on Friday night, most of them likely with drink taken, was an awesome sight to behold aswell. A populace who cycles to music festivals is not to be fucked with. 

We walked the 1hr back in the heat of an early morning sun along one of the canals divided into sections by beautifully ornate bridges, its banks stacked with mature trees and and dwellings of architectural distinction, cyclists whizzing by constantly on the cycle lanes. The volume of well appointed street furniture and street sculpture is really impressive here. There's always somewhere shaded to take your rest and invariably some curved handrail, quirky bench or something else beautiful to look at. 

Ill-fitting street furniture

 

Ill-fitting street furniture

Giving Norway 

Quick pitstop at the hotel and then back out into the heat of the city for, per the loose itinerary in the Keopenhagen doc, "Danish Architecture." Making it up as we go along as usual.  

Ended up in the DAC - the Danish Architecture Center. More than just architecture, it incorporates large sections on general Danish design. One wall dedicated to the hotel we were staying in the SAS designed by Arne Jacobsen, down to the cutlery, door handles, soft furnishings (see Egg Chair) and lighting. Another wall decked top to bottom with Danish designed chairs equally fascinating and stunningly beautiful. 

DAC

S was flabbergasted to find out that Lego is a quintessential piece of Danish design. Salted almonds (Rema 1000 strikes again), bananas and Pink Ladies for lunch on the logs outside. On towards Freetown Christiania - a self proclaimed, autonomous "micro nation" formed in 1971. 

Freetown

A very colourful and inspiring neighbourhood. Back towards the hotel stopping into vintage stores on the hunt for a debs dress for D. Prinks and Cripps to a Fontaines soundtrack brought us back to the Grand Tour - although without a balcony this time and with tumblers for the wine. 

Before The Baest (Eclipse Not Shown)

Uber drivers like it when you admire a very specific detail of their car, e.g. the red stitching on the dashboard of a new Merc EV affords them the opportunity to bitch about the plasticness of the Tesla interior. The most incompetent and useless selfie ever. As we passed over the bridge into for Dinner, large groups of people had descended on the bridge to view the solar eclipse.  That's why you'll always find me on the footpath at street parties.  Ate at Baest where they make their own sourdough, mozzarella, buratta and charcuterie. Amazingly delicious spot. Within 12hrs I experienced the best croissant (Juno) AND the best pizza (Baest) I'd ever tasted. And I'd be well travelled on the dough-lined roads of pastries and pizza crust.  

Food science masterfully applied and evident in both, giving a technical edge to the ususal dopamine hit of pillow soft perfectly raised dough. 1 tiramisu between four meant heated disputes over quadrants and vicious battles with pretty dessert spoons as weapons. Photos on the walk home show S with a blue slushie. I still don't know where she procured it.
Day3: Breakfast at Hart Bakery on Kongevej where the caramelised sticky buns, apparently made from leftover scraps of croissant dough, win the best in class prize for the day. Marcus from the Bear completed a 2 week training at this kitchen during the filming of the Copenhagen episode. The owner, Richard Hart, is ex-pastry chef at Noma. 

Sea Room at Louisiana

We then hopped a train from the central train station 2 blocks from our hotel to the Louisiana museum. It's an oasis of art, scultpure and culture by the sea about an hour north of the city. Excellent Lucien Freud exhibition which I thoroughly enjoyed. D said all his portraits, male or female, looked like Oscar Wilde. She's definitely onto something. The girls enjoyed the Sophie Calle more I think. The museum is set in a large house and estate with multiple beautifully architected wing extensions plus extensive gardens full of sculpture and outdoor art. 

Diving Board At Louisiana

Definitely the first museum I've been to where you can pop outside to the garden to a diving board and dive in for a seaswim. I spent a good chunk of the visit in the Arthur Jafa's APEX exhibition, a rapidfire slideshow of iconic photography, featuring primarily Black contexts, from the past 75 years set to an iconic piece of music - Minus by Robert Hood (1994). A Joe and the Juice smoothie at the train station for lunch. They've recently opened an outlet in Dublin. I'd been to a few in the states but I wasn't aware they originated in Copenhagen. They're kind of like the Starbucks of Copenhagen - they're on most streets, in every tourist spot and in every mall and public transport hub in the city. Decent but expensive I would say. Also staff were some of the least mannerly Danish folk we came across. 

ARK Restaurant

Girls went afternoon shopping for comics, dresses, jellies, yarn and I went looking for a pair of hiking shoes. They had more success than I had. Bank to the hotel for showers and wine in 1810. Sanchez - a Nordic inspired Mexican restaurant - came highly recommended, also with Bear associations (Rosio Sanchez is also a Noma alumnus).

Starter At Sanchez

We thoroughly enjoyed every ounce of our meal here. Deep, and deeply satisfying flavours in every course and breezily accommodating of all preferences and dietary constraints. 

The girls took a shine to one of our servers (in background above) which made every interaction highly charged. Walk home through some of the sketchier areas we saw in Copenhagen. My side, your side and the truth. 

Main 

Day4: I started my day with a haircut with Nino the navee. The most inane offline internet conversation with a Dane and a Zaffa. "Holidays comin up..." "Very cool, very cool".... "3 days in a row"... "EPIC!!". The costly tally of harm perpetrated by the internet on human communication continues. 

 

Today was Syd For Solen day - a music festival in a park just outside the city with a lineup which included Wilco, Iceage, Turnstile, Lorde, Bleech:93 and lots of others - but those were the highlights from us. The trip had been booked and I was looking into the possibility of seeing a gig while we were here and this festival popped up. Tickets still available... SOLD!  

Quick! Before the crowds arrive!

Weather was fantastic for our entire trip and it really suited the vibe of a Summer music festival. No food allowed... dumped some salted almonds and a hand of bananas. Had tasty reheated pizza slices and Gyros in the sun. Urcitaria on the dancefloor. Bitch don't kill my vibe. Looked like worst case it could be an abandon ship scenario for me but I prevailed. 

Bleech:93 Sound Check

Bleech:93 Sound Check  Liquor in the sun. Meet you at Limincello. You've been Limoncello'd. We'd targeted Bleech as a band to check out. Lads from Dublin, based in London, on the up. The scramble in the photographer pit - nevermind the pit down the front - is always a tell. There must have been 200-300 people standing around singing along to their soundcheck. They were great. A Fugazi tshirt always helps. The intimate punk rock show intro for the girls that Superchunk should have been. Long live loud live punk rock shows. 

Obligatory Hosiery

Wilco, a bucket list band for me, were fine. I knew maybe 5 songs and they were bangers. The remainder of their set however featured multiple 10min guitar solos - not as bad as it might usually be if Nels Cline is the one soloing - but I feel the setlist could have been curated more towards a fun loving Summer festival crowd. 

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah!

My highlight was watching a group of about 11 older male fans hogging the barrier, completely unchallenged, an hour before the gig. Then a a group of elderly male Wilco members getting golf-carted away from the backstage area immediately after the gig. We're all getting old I suppose. 

 

Turnstile were magnificent. I've never seen a hardcore gig on such a big stage, and for them to so competently fill and entertain such a large crowd of people was very rewarding. The energy was insane. The pit in front of the stage was chaos and anyone anywhere close to it was covered in sweat, black dirt and smiling like coalminers who'd just won the lottery for the remainder of the day. Their energy and fantastic guitar sounds blew the roof off a field. Imagine that. Blackout in the middle of the light indeed. Definitely a highlight. I was singing yayee-yayee-yayee-yay ENDLESSLY for the remainder of the day. Local heroes Iceage were out there with the sunflowers and personality disorders and got better and better through the gig. 

Lorde

Then it was Lorde who was a revelation for me. Great songs, fantastic production and visuals, huge energy from her and highly entertaining for a field fun of fans. More artistry and energy than Taylor. Red line crossed over yellow liqour nearly scuppered us but we prevailed. 

Something to be said for the value which festivals offer punters. We saw Lorde and a bunch of others for the price of one arena ticket for a single major artist who sometimes don't even provide good show. In some cases the ticket prices arent even financially viable for a family of 4. Streams of Cyclists from the festival at midnight. They even cycle to festivals! A 45min walk halfway home to Copenhagens long mile road to be rescued by an Uber.
 

Day5: We discover Time.Copenhagen. Just around the corner from the hotel. Me and M have the most amazing cortados at €12 a pop - we later discover. Best coffee I've ever had, no question. Then a train across the Øresund Strait (Danish) or Öresund Strait (Swedish) over the Øresund bridge, crossing the artificial island of Peberholm, to spend the day in Malmö in Sweden. Not before seeing the guys from Bleech on the train platform as we left, moving onto their next circus. The small talk was minimal but we prevailed. Allergic to noisy people. I had a much needed wholefoods salad on landing - my first wholefood in a while and my body soaked it up. Girls had porridge with all the fixins. 

Malmö

D was on a mission to find a vintage debs dress. M accommodated and drove the support vehicle. She also pointed me, by way of offering a distraction I think, towards an outdoor store which turned out to be one of the best I've ever visited. Found my hiking shoes and a nice check shirt - for a change. M also benefited as she picked up a lovely blue bag.  A lot more motorised 2 wheel vehicles in Malmö than in Copenhagen. And a lot more dog dirt on the pavements. Me and S hit up a "Science Fiction Bookstore" and picked up a comic birthday gift (Spiderman Freshman Year) for her. Icecream, park life waiting for food then onto Fir a casual, hyper-hipster, natural wine bar and microbrewery with fantastic produce on small plates. 

Wine Taps @ Fir

Fir and Mná, Kneecap on strong rotation  - no Irish connection. Vibes immaculate with low key electronica beats on a good soundsystem in the early summer evening sunlight. S on no-wine day. M has her first beer in 25 years. Walked back for Bubbies, Butt Crackers from a Pick n Mix in an office block. 

Day closed out with a totally over the top Pride fireworks from our window at midnight. Must have had the Kimchi. Echoes of landing in Vancouver on NYE 2005, wiped tired while the sky explodes. 

Day5: Back to Time.Copenhagen first thing for excellent coffee from hand fired receptacles. Girls wanted to do the Tivoli gardens. It was on the plan earlier in the week but the queues and crowds had put me off. So we went our own way - Girls to Tivoli theme park and me back on the train out to Belle Vue beach for a sea swim. 

Time.Copenhagen

Arne Jacobsen had designed the beach huts, the lifeguard towers and surrounding appartments. Not before another wholefoods breakfast at a vegan place where I asked for real milk for my coffee to eyerolls. 

Belle Vue Beach

On landing in Belle Vue I wandered into what I thought were public changing rooms. Nope. And I was quickly disavowed of such a socialist notion by some lovely local Danes. Invisible imperceptible sub-divisions which only become real when vocalised. 

Life Guard Tower At Belle Vue Beach

Ultimately disappointed with Jacobsen's work in-situ. His legacy seems to be frozen, authorities afraid to develop or evolve anything around. Left an impression of Tramore holiday villas. The Iron Man triathalon bike time trials were going on along the shore as I fanboy'd. After kicking off packing / room tidy, we all reconvened later that evening for dinner at Barr and it was a super disappointing culinary end to a great holiday. Food was good. We're all on no-wine day. 

Service, hospitality - all the front of house stuff was really, really, unacceptably bad. Service that was highly intrusive while managing to be completely inattentive. Untrained servers chewing gum and being unable to explain basic menu ingredients due to lack of English (this person was Italian). A very beautiful room. Round Table, low hanging light at the center of the table. Fish mains... brought us all back to Kirwans. 

Below The Barr

Taking an expensive albeit researched punt on somewhere like this where the ethos is off, where the focus is on extorting money rather than on the quality of the food and hospitality literally left a bad taste - even after the Dua Lipa thank you. Iron Man barriers hurdled after closing time to grab a Christmas tree decoration in a gift shop on the walk home.